Simple Thoughts

 Find someone who lights up your eyes, mind, and heart.

Develop together, instead of apart.

Cherish and nurture your love like no other.

That way, you won’t have to look for another.

James Schlegelmilch

 If you’ve ever thought about taking a life,

Or sat on your porch with your gun, or your knife,

Or had to be calmed, by your more patient wife,

You might be the dad of a daughter.

James Schlegelmilch

 A few had a stranger say hi to us.

Some have a friend who has lied for us.

Most have a mother who’s cried for us.

We all have a Savior who died for us.

James Schlegelmilch

The thing about God that does always astound me,

No matter my blunder, His arms stay around me.

Though chaos, and turmoil, and mess may surround me,

Each time in my life I’ve been lost, He has found me.

James Schlegelmilch

 If you can’t be yourself, who else can you be?

You’re better as you, than you would be as me.

You’re better as you, than I’d be as you.

So just be yourself, and I’ll be myself too.

James Schlegelmilch

 If I was as strong as my kids seem to find,

As handsome as Grandma can’t help but repeat,

As funny for real as I am in my mind,

Yeah, that would make me pretty neat.

James Schlegelmilch

 Showing kindness is free. Being mean is free too.

But what good does being unkind really do?

Kindness spreads joy and is easy to pass.

And being unkind makes you look like an ass.

James Schlegelmilch

 Dating is hard, so you better beware.

It’s lots of frustration, you try and you err.

So don’t be upset, if you make a few run.

You don’t marry many. You just marry one.

James Schlegelmilch 

 I received stellar customer service today.

The cashier was nice, and concerned of my day.

And it made me feel good, as I went on my way.

I’m such a big fan of self checkout.

James Schlegelmilch

 I’m a fool if I need to make every mistake,

And learn not from those I see other folks make.

For lessons I’ve learned when I err, I feel blessed.

Learned lessons from others’ mistakes are still best.

James Schlegelmilch

 I’d rather have strong hands, dirty and scarred,

As proof that I’ve spent my whole life working hard,

Than hands that are weak, all shiny and clean,

As proof that a hard day of work I’ve not seen.

James Schlegelmilch

Just knowing she’s there, I sleep better at night.

She makes me forget all the reasons I weep.

She moves like a dream, if I do my part right.

I’m so glad she’s mine. How I do love my Jeep!

James Schlegelmilch

 Although disappointing life may seem to you,

Your life is the envy of some.

You hate your small house, and your car isn’t new,

But both would seem grand to a bum.

James Schlegelmilch

 You may be well schooled in a topic or two,

And proud of your knowledge, no doubt.

But don’t be surprised when I don’t run to you,

For things you know nothing about.

James Schlegelmilch

  You can mock me and laugh at the things that I do,

You can say I am ugly, or say that I stink.

You can tease or insult me. The joke is on you.

I promise, I couldn’t care less what you think. 

James Schlegelmilch

My instinct is pointing the finger away,

Instead of admitting and taking the blame.

Sometimes I screw up, it is painful to say.

It’s hard to have blunders attached to my name.

James Schlegelmilch

 Before my farewell, on the day I retire,

Before any tears, if instead I expire,

You’ll all see a notice “position for hire”,

Replacing my job where I work.

James Schlegelmilch

 You see your reflection and glare at yourself.

You take some more wrinkle cream off of the shelf.

I wish you could see what my aging eyes do.

I still see perfection, when I look at you.

James Schlegelmilch

 Before teaching kids about birds and the bees,

Before the concern of their intake of sugars,

Before even teaching them thank you and please,

First teach them to not eat their boogers.

James Schlegelmilch

 So very relaxing, and few will dispute it,

A line in the water is so therapeutic.

Yes, fishing is great, and it’s hard to refute it,

But catching a fish is more fun.

James Schlegelmilch

 It’s funny how actors, so good at one thing,

Pretending they’re anyone other than them,

Proclaim how they’re woke, their own virtue they sing,

While any views opposite theirs they condemn.

And why are their notions and views the right way?

They’re famous? They’re rich? They’re attractive? Who cares?!

And why would we care what they think, do, or say?

It’s a fool who believes what an actor declares.

James Schlegelmilch

 I’d be more effective each day when I work,

If only my brain would stop being a jerk.

It’s foggy and sleepy, at times nearly dead,

Then wakes up the moment I lay down in bed.

James Schlegelmilch

 If me being right means that you’re in the wrong,

We then have to argue, and bicker, and fight.

But things could be good and we’d both get along,

If you sided with me. Then we both would be right.

James Schlegelmilch

 The wind doesn’t whisper. Who came up with that?

Whoever said that didn’t live where I’m at.

In Idaho, wind doesn’t whisper, oh no.

It hoots and it hollers, so hard it does blow.

James Schlegelmilch

 The brain of a moron is more off than on.

Perhaps we should say it moroff, not moron.

And what should the emphasis be placed upon?

Is it spoken MOR-on? Or is it mo-RON?

James Schlegelmilch

  The older I get, the more things I know,

My mind moves more quickly. My body moves slow.

A boy, I moved quick, but so little I knew.

A man, I know much, but so little can do.

James Schlegelmilch

 A consequence comes for each choice that I make.

I can’t make the choice and then choose what I earn.

When faced with a choice, if I make a mistake,

The consequence serves as a lesson I learn.

James Schlegelmilch

  Babies seem innocent, cuddly, and sweet,

From their soft chubby cheeks, to their cute little feet.

But do not be fooled. They are full of deceit.

They usually end up adults.

James Schlegelmilch

 The danger is not stupid people. Oh no.

It’s those that are stupid who think they are not.

And if these same people are running the show,

Then oh what a horrible problem you’ve got!

James Schlegelmilch

 I don’t trust the driver, nor comfortable feel.

I cannot relax, and asleep cannot fall,

If somebody else is controlling the wheel.

When I drive, I’ve no problem sleeping at all.

James Schlegelmilch

 The day seemed so promising, shower was nice.

All dressed for success, and warm food in my gut.

I walked out the door, slipped and fell on the ice.

Now my ego is bruised, and so is my butt.

James Schlegelmilch

 It may be the biggest of any lie told,

That life will improve as a person gets old.

Each year I expect an improvement from last.

But each year seems worse than the one that just passed.

James Schlegelmilch

 I’m not young or old, so answer my riddle.

I sneeze, or I laugh, or I cough, and I piddle.

I don’t soak my pants, but I pee just a little.

What am I?

James Schlegelmilch

 I’m a smooth talking, quick-witted son of a gun.

Oh, the comments I’ve made, the debates I have won!

I say the right things with conviction and power,

Much later, daydreaming, alone in the shower.

James Schlegelmilch

 Eighteen long holes, and the time passes slow.

I swing with no clue where the golf ball will go.

I’ll never return. Then my ball tumbles in.

Yeah baby! I guess I’ll go golfing again.

James Schlegelmilch

 I like to appear, to my wife, deep in thought.

She thinks I have something important in mind.

I’m really just thinking, “What food have we got?

If I open the pantry, what snacks will I find?”

James Schlegelmilch

 You meet someone special and try not to blow it.

You try to be perfect, do nothing to spoil it.

You date. Then you marry. Then before you know it,

She’s doing her makeup, while you use the toilet.

James Schlegelmilch

 I don’t know your name, don’t know where you reside,

Don’t care what you look like on the outside.

You don’t put your cart back where shopping carts go?

Well, that tells me everything I need to know.

James Schlegelmilch

My wife’s energetic. She’s quite a machine.

Each day she works hard and it’s groovy.

She never gets tired, till the opening scene,

Then she sleeps through the rest of the movie.

James Schlegelmilch

 A sibling’s a person you don’t get to pick.

If given the option, choose them you would not.

They can make you mad, and they can make you sick,

And they can test your patience a lot.

James Schlegelmilch

 It’s cool how a brother can ruthlessly mock,

And torment his sister for years.

Then turn right around and clean a guy’s clock,

When the guy puts his sister in tears.

James Schlegelmilch

 He does not bring up all the good things I do.

No talk of my job, or my wife and kids too.

But mention my four-strikeout game and it’s true,

My dad will discuss it for hours.

James Schlegelmilch

  Your thoughts and opinions are just like a book.

I may ask to borrow, to give it a look.

But if I don’t ask, leave it up on the shelf.

You force it on me. Go make love to yourself.

James Schlegelmilch

It’s better by far to swing hard and to whiff,

Then never attempting to hit one.

For if you don’t swing, you’ll be stuck with “what if”.

Keep swinging, and maybe you’ll get one.

James Schlegelmilch

Be kind to your siblings, but keep them in line.

Don’t let them grow soft, but don’t treat them too rough.

Don’t take what they have, but still share what is mine.

Man, being a big brother can really be tough.

James Schlegelmilch

I look in the mirror and see a teenager.

Yes something is different. My face, how it glows!

Nobody would guess I’m past forty, I’d wager.

No not with this zit on the end of my nose.

James Schlegelmilch

 It’s magical, going to work before dawn.

There’s almost no cars on the roads that I’m on.

Nobody to witness my tears as I yawn.

Yeah, it’s more magical to sleep in.

James Schlegelmilch

 Just think how much better the world would be

If the fast lane was there for the wild and the free,

And not filled with losers, their cars blocking mine,

Who follow the speed on the speed limit sign.

James Schlegelmilch

 May we not be like parents, who yell at the ump,

And up on their feet, after bad calls do jump.

But be like their boys, who haven’t a care,

While they play what they love, just thrilled to be there.

James Schlegelmilch

 I have a small secret. I can’t tell a lie.

Some loved ones of mine, I have to confess,

Although I’ll be sad on the day that they die,

Their absence will take away most of my stress.

James Schlegelmilch

 I’ll eat M&M’s till I’m sick in the gut,

Then cease my indulgence and try not to purge.

But once I feel better, the chocolatey nut,

Once more gets consumed. I just can’t fight the urge.

James Schlegelmilch

 I think we all need both a dog and a cat,

The dog to laugh with you, the cat to laugh at.
We all need a dog that will lovingly nudge us.

We need a cat too, to ignore us and judge us.

James Schlegelmilch

 How silly of me! Getting old is for real.

I did something stupid. Next time I’ll think twice.

My neck is now kinked, and it may never heal.

My error was sleeping. My neck paid the price.

James Schlegelmilch

 One among many, annoying an issue,

A nose full of substance and goods, beyond measure.

Then blowing that substance direct through a tissue,

And cov’ring my hand with the unwanted treasure.

James Schlegelmilch

 I met an old geezer a few days ago.

His eyesight was dimming. His movements were slow.

He told me his story, and wouldn’t you know,

Turns out he’s the same age as I am.

James Schlegelmilch 

   It’s rather unfair to enforce an infraction,

Like texting while driving, though granted it’s wrong, 

While never addressing the bigger distraction,

Of picking your nose, while you’re cruising along.  

James Schlegelmilch

 Let a kid be a kid, every girl, every boy.

Let them run. Let them play. Let them laugh and enjoy.

For soon comes adulthood to ruin life, surely,

No reason for grownups to ruin it early.

James Schlegelmilch

 Through water I move, with precision and speed.

“I’m doing much better”, the thought that I think.

I peak to see where all my flailing does lead.

As always, it’s straight to the bottom I sink.

James Schlegelmilch

 I fear most the things I do not understand.

Take moths, for example. They’re harmless and small.

They float near the lamp sitting on my nightstand,

Then fly at my face for no reason at all.

James Schlegelmilch

 I wish losing weight could be done with such ease,

As losing my wallet, or losing my keys…

Or losing balloons in a swift summer breeze…

Or losing a fart, when I let out a sneeze.

James Schlegelmilch

 It’s rather pathetic and so unimpressive,

To treat those above you with praise and respect,

While treating those under you mean or dismissive.

Treating both equally kind is correct.

James Schlegelmilch

 Have you ever been sure what was coming was gas?

You leaned to one side to allow it to pass?

Turns out was coming was liquid or mass?

Me neither.

James Schlegelmilch

 My shoulders and neck’s where I carry my stress.

The pain I describe to my neck-rubbing wife.

I need her, I quietly, humbly confess,

To do this each day for the rest of my life.

James Schlegelmilch

 I thought I ran over a puppy today.

There’s no worse a feeling than that, I would say.

A quick backward glance and I drove on my way.

Thank goodness! T’was only my neighbor.

James Schlegelmilch

 My kids think I’m fearless. That’s basically true.

I don’t scare as easy as most people do.

Just clowns, dolls, and spiders, to just name a few.

And puppets and snakes, oh and cockroaches too.

James Schlegelmilch

I say that I won’t, but each season I do.

I let wins and losses determine my mood.

Yes, being a fan is so hard, it is true.

But what can I say? I’m a sports loving dude.

James Schlegelmilch

 Why’s hitting a baseball the hardest of things?

It travels so fast towards the guy at the plate.

He has a split second to choose if he swings.

One slight hesitation, his swing is too late.

It’s not just the speed of it. Baseballs are small.

And just like the bat, they aren’t flat, they are round.

The margin of error is incredibly small.

A harder athletic skill cannot be found.

James Schlegelmilch

 No question is dumb? Well the jury’s still out.

The answer right now is still unverifiable.

But one thing is certain, beyond any doubt.

The presence of dumb questioners? Undeniable.

James Schlegelmilch

 My teeth chew my food with precision and skill.

Each meal of the day, every day of the week.

A million times flawlessly, perfect until,

One day they go rogue and they bloody my cheek.

James Schlegelmilch